a gentle and quiet spirit
- brianawindhausen
- Dec 20, 2018
- 9 min read
The week before I came to Brisbane, my sweet friend, Lauren, encouraged me with the words:
"God is much more interested in what He is doing in you than what He is doing through you."
I don't think I really believed that until these last few weeks, and it's been quite a journey getting to a place where I can ~kind of almost actually~ believe this. But I can feel Him doing more in me than I ever thought He would or could. So that's neat, right?
Since I last wrote (whoops! it's been over a month), my school and I have participated in 2 local outreaches in Australia: one week in the Gold Coast and one weekend in Tenterfield, New South Wales.
During our week at the Gold Coast, we partnered with an organization called Red Frogs. My friend, Tucker, wrote an amazing summary about what Red Frogs is, which I will include below (because I certainly can't say it any better):
When Australian teenagers graduate high school, a large number (22,000 !!) go to the Gold Coast to let loose with their friends. Red Frogs comes in & is like "we just want to keep you safe & let you know you’re loved." So we watch over them as they party. (It’s like being a FOCUS leader but they are drunk). So we hand out candies (Red Frogs) in their hotel rooms, cook them pancakes, hang out with them, hold their hair when they are vomiting, walk them home, help them clean up, etc. You name it, we do it from 6pm to 3am! I really believe in this organization & their mission to serve a generation so I flew half way across the world to love on these "schoolies."
(Shoutout to Tucker for making my life easier by explaining that so well. Follow her on insta @airtucker and @tuckerdressesup, she's really cool.)
A typical night at Red Frogs would include going door to door in our hotel asking if our schoolies needed anything, as well as taking calls from HQ for pancake cook-ups or other situations where our assistance was requested. A lot of times, we were invited into their rooms and got the chance to simply spend time connecting with them and playing Uno. We had so many meaningful conversations with schoolies about what they were planning to do after graduation, and I was lucky to have the chance to watch the sun rise on the beach the last morning with a few of the girls I met there. God really grew my heart for the schoolies I met and I am excited to continue pursuing these friendships for the next few months I'm spending here in Brisbane.
A few weekends ago, me and my outreach team (accurately named "Team Phili-queens" because we are all women and all queens and all going to the Philippines) had the opportunity to participate in a local outreach to Tenterfield, a country town about four hours from Brisbane. We stayed at Tenterfield Community Church and spent Saturday afternoon going door-do-door and handing out Bibles to the residents of the surrounding neighborhoods. I've never participated in any type of evangelism like this before, and it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but I know that it was so important that we came and brought His word to the people there.
Before we went out, I really felt like God was encouraging me to listen more than I spoke. I heard Him tell me that the people of Tenterfield don't feel like they have a voice and don't believe they are heard, and one way He wanted me to serve them was simply through showing them that we valued what they had to say. This came up in the very first few houses we knocked on. Each of these individuals - David, Pam, and Mike - were in such different phases of life and had so much they needed (or wanted) to say.
I was especially touched by our conversation with Pam. She immediately accepted our gift and got into a fairly intense conversation about the fallen nature of our world. She was burdened by all of the brokenness she saw, as I'm sure we all are, but she was close to tears talking about how much it weighed on her heart. Every time we tried to speak about hope, it was like she would dwell on that for a second, but then immediately think of another situation she saw as hopeless. I could feel what she felt and I knew I just couldn't leave without praying for her and assuring her that there is hope for the state of this world - and that hope is Jesus.
I could sense that a lot of people in this town have that same lack of hope. They see the suffering that seems to be never ending and they cling to it, not knowing that there is something so much greater reaching out for us if we would just say yes to Him. I know that God doesn't want His children to be resting in this hopelessness, and I feel so encouraged that bringing hope to people who don't yet have it is what He is calling me into wherever I go and whatever I do after this DTS.
Our speaker this past week, Steve Aherne, said, "God calls every Christian to full-time ministry."
He didn't mean that every Christian is called to work in a church, but that every Christian is called to live in a way that ministers to others. How encouraging (& terrifying) is it to know that whatever I end up doing after DTS will be ministry, simply in the way I'll be challenged to love and serve those around me in my workplace?
God has taught me so much about the joy of serving others, and these outreaches were a great way to walk out that head knowledge, but He has been doing so much more in my own personal relationship with Him through lectures, small groups, and quiet times of just resting in His presence.
I'm realizing that I didn't come into this time ready or willing for Him to soften my heart. I just wanted Him to help me learn what it looked like to serve Him. But my Father in heaven always wants more for me than I want for myself. So obviously He's been doing more in me than I imagined or expected.
As bad as this sounds, I think I came into this DTS believing that I didn't need to continue to ask God to heal me. As if I had done this enough times in the past that I have nothing left in need of healing, and He can just "use me" now as I am. But God doesn't use people the way people use people, and He wants to do work inside of us simply because He loves us. He is not going to "use me" without changing me and moving in me and healing me.
I thought this time would be all about learning how to think of others before myself, but the Lord has been showing me that in order for this to be a natural reaction, I need to come to Him for healing first. I can't love others well without letting Him love me well.
So He's been speaking to me about myself (which I really didn't like at first). He's been revealing to me that a lot of things I don't particularly love about myself, He gifted to me. He says He loves my "gentle & quiet spirit," even if it sometimes leaves me feeling overpowered by the louder voices in the room. My gentleness is a gift given to me by the giver of all perfect gifts, and it is not anything to be ashamed of. In fact, He wants me to use this gift to minister to and love others.
While some of this inner healing has been sweet, some of it has been a bit painful. This past week in particular has been a painful one - but so, SO good.
This past week, our school took a trip to YWAM Toowoomba, a base about two hours away from Brissy. The staff there were so kind to welcome us in and let us stay on their base as we joined their DTS students to study the topic of Lordship. The week was a breath of fresh air - though at times it felt a bit like choking.
God revealed to me that there are still many areas of my life that I have not allowed Jesus to be Lord over - things I genuinely felt like I had surrendered to Him. To name the primary thing: my body / body image. (And boy can I can assure you the list goes on.)
What does it look like to make Jesus the Lord of my life in this area? I won't lie to you, I'm not quite sure yet. My relationship with my body is a huge part of my testimony and something I have found immense healing from in the past few years, but I'm now realizing that this isn't the end of the fight.
I will probably continue to struggle with this for many years to come, and I think God is showing me that it is okay to come to Him for healing more than once. I can come to Him every day if that's what it takes, and if I'm being honest, yeah - that's probably what it will take.
There's a lot that I'm learning here that I don't know exactly how to walk out, but I do know that it starts with hearing God speak. Then hearing Him speak again. And again. And again. Becoming attuned to the beautiful sound of His voice, and then obeying what He is speaking to me.
This is hard to explain because it's so unique to each individual, but I know this for sure -
God will speak to everyone who seeks His voice. Maybe not in the way you would expect, but definitely in the way you need.
On a more gentle and general-life-update note, my mom and sister came to visit me! It was such a joy to have them stay on base with us for a few days before we left for Toowoomba.
We got to hang out with some koalas, take a river cruise, and have a few Iced Dirty Chais in the cafe on base. It was a super sweet time and I feel so blessed to have a family willing to fly halfway across the world just to spend a few days with me. Grateful is an understatement.
If y'all are DTP - down to pray - here are a few points of prayer I have:
My outreach team, the Phili-queens. A few members of our team are still in need of funds for this mission, and we would really appreciate prayers that the Lord would provide these funds as well as give us ideas for ways we can help them fundraise. In addition, we would love prayer that God would continue to share with us His vision for our team and for the activities we'll be participating in once we're officially on outreach (we head out in about 8 weeks!).
Our school as a whole. A lot of my classmates are "going through it" as the kids might say, as this school has been covering pretty heavy topics in the last few weeks and pieces of our pasts are being brought up to the surface. I would love prayers that God would give us all strength to continue to seek His healing in our lives, and that we would just continue to let Him be our strength through this all.
Applying what I'm learning. I would love prayers for God to help me see how to live out all that I'm learning in lectures, because it can be a bit overwhelming at times to read through my heaps of notes and not really know where to start or what to do with all of it.
It feels like this has been unbearably long, but I guess that's on me for not posting in over a month (I really am sorry, I hoped I would be better about regularly updating!). This coming week, I'll be posting another update specifically about my outreach mission to The Philippines, because I barely even mentioned that here and that's going to be a huge part of this school and my time here.
As always, I just want to thank you for following along with my posts, sending your prayers, giving financially - everything you've done to allow me this opportunity. It does not escape me how lucky I am to be here. So again, thank you. And please let me know if I can be praying for you in any way! Let's spread that holiday prayer love. Peace and blessings and all things good.
"...but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of
a gentle and quiet spirit,
which in God’s sight is very precious." -1 Peter 3:4
-bw
PS - Merry Christmas from the MAD Video track! This is what we do with our free time.
(Yes - the candy cane was my idea, and also the only thing I contributed to this project.)
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