anxious for nothing
- brianawindhausen
- Feb 8, 2019
- 6 min read
As I write this, I’m sitting in the same cafe - at the same table, might I add - where I wrote my first blog post when I arrived here in October, and all I can do is look back at the last four months with a smile. I still can’t believe I got to live here. God is too good to me. (See pictures below from the cutest cafe in Mitchelton, Two Charming Finches.)
In a few days I’ll say goodbye to my small slice of Australia and say hello to the Philippines for two months. I don’t know how, but God has exchanged my worries for pure excitement, and I can’t wait to go and experience a new culture. He’s been assuring me that this outreach will far surpass me and my team’s highest expectations. He’s also been assuring us that, however we may feel about our abilities, through Him we are ready to step into this.
Something I’m realizing I have neglected to share publicly is what I’ve been feeling the Lord leading me into once I return home in late April - mainly because, to put it quite frankly, I don’t really know yet. But I can and will share what I do know.
I know that the Lord is showing me how much I love a lot of things: ministry, film, home, coffee shops, writing, traveling, and probably even more things I’m forgetting.
On Ministry - A big one of those things is ministry, and particularly ministry with young women. My favorite thing about my time at VCU was leading a small group in InterVarsity and I especially cherished one-on-one discipleship with the girls in those groups.
Most of my favorite moments here have been during very simple, very honest, and very beautiful conversations with good friends. This is at the heart of what (I believe) ministry is - authentic quality time and conversations within the context of deep relationship. That’s it. And that’s honestly just my favorite thing in the whole world.
On Film - God has also been re-igniting a passion in me for film that I genuinely thought I had lost. Last week, rather than having a normal schedule with lectures, we had “Recording Week,” where we were essentially given free time to collaborate and work on various film projects. I honestly haven’t had this much fun with film in a long time, and I feel like God is reminding me how I used to feel when I was editing (dumb) videos.
I had the chance to help out my video group with a parody of our DTS in the style of The Office, following around our school leader as the protagonist. I also had the chance to collaborate on a dance video with my one-on-one mentor, Aino.
On Home - As much as I’m loving and cherishing my time here, I’d be lying if I said I’m not missing home - both Richmond and Springfield - just the slightest bit. I don’t know where I’ll be living a year from now, but I know I’ll be returning home to Springfield at least for this summer, and visiting RVA as often as possible.
God has really been growing my heart for my home church, for my friends and family (all of whom I miss so so dearly), and even America as a whole. There’s so much of my own country that I’ve never seen, and that had never really burdened me until now. It’s strange being in an international community and realizing that I haven’t actually felt a desire to travel through a majority of my homeland. I have a newfound passion to see the beauty in my hometown and my home country.
On Coffee - Australian coffee is absolutely spoiling me and I don’t want to leave it behind. But not only am I learning about the value in a good cuppa (that’s Australian for “cup of coffee”), I am also learning the value in cafes and the safe spaces provided therein.
One of my friends here, Anna, is a caffeine-addict, former Starbucks employee, and fellow advocate for cafe culture. Some combination of her passion for this topic and my own enticement of the cafes here has led me to a newfound understanding of how important and sweet these comforting spaces truly are.
On Writing - I’ve never felt too inclined to share my writing before, but I’m realizing that when I sit down and try to put my thoughts into something digestible for others and not just myself, what I find in front of me is actually worth sharing. Some of my favorite alone times here have been writing these little blog entries. It feels weird to literally put it all out there, but it’s a step forward in vulnerability and it’s challenged me to be transparent in the healthiest way.
This blog has even encouraged me to continue writing beyond DTS and to compile a collection of personal essays to, perhaps, one day form into a memoir. Disclaimer: I’m sharing this for the sole purpose of ALL OF YOU holding me accountable to this dream and forcing me to follow through. Thank you in advance.
On Traveling - It’s been so exciting to meet people from all over the world, and such a pleasure to hear about and see pictures of the different places they call “home.” I’ve always liked the idea of traveling (like who doesn’t), but meeting and befriending people from all over has somehow made it much more real to me.
I feel that I haven’t explored enough of Australia during my time here, but a few weeks ago I had the privilege of joining a group of friends on a trip to the most gorgeous place I’ve ever been to - Stradbroke Island.
I saw this:
- and all I could think was this:
“God made all of this - and yet He still thought it necessary to make me.”
I feel like I need to keep traveling and seeing the beauty in creation so I can continue to be hit by this truth. The truth that God’s creation leaves us speechless, but we are included in that. When He sees us - His children - He is speechless and yet He rejoices over us at the same time.
So yeah, that’s a small portion of the new (and old) desires God has been stirring up in me. Again, I have no idea what He’s going to do with all of them, and I’d be lying if I told you there’s not an ounce of fear in me when it comes to my future. Truthfully, I’d much rather know right now what God is calling me into next.
I read a really cute devotional the other day that gave me a new perspective on both my present and my future:
“Your story is written in My Book - still being written - and we can live it and read it together, step by step, day by day. You join brothers and sisters whose stories I also write, lives of freedom, lives where love leads you to experience a story with more depth than what would be written just on your own. So keep reading. And keep listening. And keep trusting. And thank you for letting Me share the pen. Let’s write more, you and I.”
My excitement and hope for my future far outweighs my anxiety, because I know that God is writing my story with me. He’s inviting me to trust Him with the pen - and I think that’s beautiful.
DTP (Down To Pray Points)
For my school and the other outreach teams - that they would all have safe travels to their various locations (Central Europe, Japan, Malaysia, Australia, and Detroit) and that their time would serve others well and deepen the faith they’ve spent the last few months growing.
For my outreach team - continued excitement and motivation as we embark on this new journey!! Our plane leaves February 10 and we’ll probably be jumping into things pretty full-on when we arrive, so we would also really appreciate prayers for energy and preparedness.
For my future - that God would bring clarity and vision to my current string of passions with which I don’t quite yet know what to do.
I know I end every update with this, but seriously, thank you for your support in all forms. I am continually in awe of the fact that I'm here and doing what I'm doing and it's all by the grace of God that this is real, yes - but it's also because God used your support and encouragement. So thank you again and forever.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” - Philippians 4:6
-bw
PS - I don't believe I shared this when I actually made it, but I made a dance video for one of our other projects in our art focus and I finally had the time (and wi-fi - courtesy of the Mitchelton Public Library) to upload it to Vimeo. It was made with a good friend of mine here, Kat, and it comes with a pretty wild testimony I will definitely share at a later date. Here it is:
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