when my spirit was overwhelmed within me

First of all: I want to apologize for my clear lack of discipline when it comes to these updates. I want to be the kind of person with a healthy routine and a life that I find worth blogging about, but it slips my mind more often than not.

Second of all: A lot's happened since I first posted - a lot of really good things, actually! I graduated from VCU, moved back home to Springfield, VA, and started the support-raising process for my DTS in Brisbane. While this newness and anticipation for what's coming has been great, it has left me feeling, to quote Sir Aubrey Drake Graham, many "types of ways."

If I had to pick one word to describe how I've been feeling lately, it would be overwhelmed. In both the negative and the positive connotations of the word.

In the positive sense, I have been overwhelmed by the blessings I've seen God place in my life at this time. He has provided time and space to see my wonderfully supportive family. He has provided time to rest, be mindful, and escape the constant grind of being in school. He has provided time to return to the church I attended for 18 years before the move to Richmond, and to actually get to know the people who are doing so so much work in order to get me to Brisbane (Side Note: If you're looking for a church in Northern Virginia, Kirkwood Presbyterian is a lovely place and we would love to see you at our 11:00am service on Sunday.)

Okay, yes, things are really good right now, but here's some honesty. In the negative sense, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support raising there is still left to do, the new job I began a few weeks ago at a day care, and the general transition from college life to this weird ~in-between adventures~ thing. Being home while the majority of my close friends finish school in Richmond or Philly or Williamsburg is difficult and, at times, isolating.

On kind of a pettier note, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of things in my life that have been breaking - to name a few: my sunglasses, my car, my laptop, my sense of control in support raising as I still have about $4,000 to raise, etc...

These broken things have been contributing to a lot of frustration and doubt. Frustration about the season I'm in, and doubt about whether or not I'll be able to even go to Brisbane with the remaining support I still have to raise.

But I came to the realization the other day that these broken things are all man-made, just like my fears and doubts. God doesn't make broken things because He is a perfect God. He doesn't have broken plans. He provides the strength, the capacity, the funds, the love, the whatever it is, to get you where you are called. So why should I doubt that He will do exactly that for me?

I've been reading through Psalms lately and this one struck me the other day -

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me,

Then you knew my path." - Psalm 142:3

Even while I sit here overwhelmed, God sits in heaven making provisions. He is not worried. He knows my path. This gives me so much peace that the Lord is going to be faithful to His call. So I refuse to doubt Him.

Please pray with me that I would find the strength to do what I'm being called into in this season. Please pray with me that the Lord would provide the funds for this DTS.

Please pray with me that I would not lose sight of where I'm going in the midst of everyday life.

Thank you so so much for reading and for following along in this journey with me. God bless!

-bw